Waterslide

Limited Edition of 25.

"To celebrate my birthday I am embarking on the ultimate in luxury cruises.  Yes that is right, a Carnival cruise.  It will be an intimate affair with four thousand people crammed into a space the size of a small office building.  I mentioned my thoughts in a previous newsletter and how I was looking forward to googling “what disease do I have now”.  But of course I am being negative and the cruise will be amazing. I love a roller coaster and I’m sure the seas of the Pacific Ocean are calm in winter.  

The tenth of August, was my birthday, fast forward three days and we are on the cruise of a lifetime.  As I type two days have passed and I am still alive.  I was sure the oceans would have been throwing up waves the size of apartment buildings and I would have been throwing up buffet sized buckets of bilious bile, or BBB as it is affectionately known, but it is a millpond.  It reminds me of that scene in The Perfect Storm when they were catching fish and laughing and marvelling at the best conditions ever.  I am surely being lulled into a false sense of security.  

So this is my first cruise on a massive ship, I have done numerous small ship cruises but this is on a whole new scale.  Everything is big including the guests.   I have been observing this strange species known as homo sapien and taking notes about their behaviour.  What has struck me is the amazing diversity and ingenuity of people.   We had been on the boat for thirty minutes before lining up for free pizza.   They were handing out two pieces each per person but the lady in front wanted the whole thing for herself and her partner the same.  As she sautéed off she dropped two pieces on the floor.  Back she came asking for more and then proceeded to take four pieces to replace the two she dropped.  I was impressed with her up scaling skills.   Later I was impressed to see another couple had asked for their maximum drink limit of 15 shots all at once and was slowly getting through them.  At that stage we were still two hours from leaving the port.  I am so proud of my fellow passengers and it shows gluttony is alive and well.  

With only four thousand passengers and crew onboard it is easy to get time on your own, until you leave your cabin.  Then it is like playing Frogger crossed with the Walking Dead.  The best thing is waking early and then the boat is yours!  All the zombies are hungover and don’t come out till the buffet opens. 

I am enjoying making photos of the boat, there is something very Wes Anderson about the aesthetic of cruise ships.   The colours, the lounges, the swimming pools and the zombies.  It is a photographers dream.  Tomorrow we will be in Noumea and will be getting off to spread disease to the locals."